Flashbacks
This is the first of at least 3 birthday posts - the party pictures and 12-month update will come later. For now (and this will probably end up being a long one) I need to reflect...
For the last couple of days, we've been telling Trey "last year at this time" stories. And I love it. I remember the long story of his birth all the time, and at least to us, it is an incredible, wonderful memory. Here are a few of the highlights:
July 3, 7:30 AM - Driving to my due date checkup, in my belly it feels like Trey is straightening out his arms and legs, pushing his back up hard against my belly. I will learn later that these are contractions.
July 3, 3:00 PM - After two two-hour rounds of fetal monitoring, the doctor sends me home with the news that I am in early labor. We are told to keep an eye on things.
July 3, 7:00 PM - After having gone to the creek with Brandon to get water and walking laps around our property, I am now in the garden attacking every weed I can find. Anything to keep moving.
July 4, 3:30 AM - The contractions hurt now, enough that I can't sleep through them. So I lay in bed praying over everything that is happening and will happen.
July 4, 1:00 PM - When the contractions had gotten bad earlier in the morning, I made the decision not to eat anything. I wasn't sure of the rules, but it seemed like a good idea. My body had other ideas, and by this time it demanded to be fed. I ate the biggest plate of spaghetti known to man.
July 4, 4:30 PM - The contractions have been steadily 4-5 minutes apart for a few hours now. We have called the doctor who said to take our time, but we should probably come in since we lived so far away. Brandon hops in the shower and I straighten up around the house. (After all, I am the eternal hostess, and I know that other people will be in my house before I am there again.) In a very funny scene, Melvin and Mimi stop by to check on us, and I tell them what the doctor said. Melvin pushes past me in the bedroom and goes into the bathroom, where he proceeds to pull Brandon out of the shower.
July 4, 6:30 PM - We are admitted to the hospital. I am having all back labor, and the best way for me to deal with this is to stand up. I have been standing up - minus the car ride - for over 7 hours.
July 5, 1:00 AM - Me: "Can you...find..a doctor...I need..." Brandon: "Epidural!" Brandon then sticks his head into the hall and asks for two epidurals, one for me, one for him. Despite my determination to go drug-free (women did it for centuries, why shouldn't I be able to), I decided to change my thinking (dear Lord, thank you for the technology to make childbirth easier).
July 5, 6:00 AM - They tell us it's time to push, and I have my moment of "I'm not ready to have a baby!!" Brandon claps and rubs his hands together the way he does before a big game. The way he did when I walked up the aisle at our wedding.
July 5, 7:24 AM - I have been pushing for an hour and a half, alternately puking and falling asleep between pushes. I remember very little about this time, though I do know that Trey got stuck in me, and Brandon tells me that several nurses had to put their weight on my belly to get Trey out. I remember the sound of him coming out, I opened my eyes to see the pediatricians whisking him away (I saw only the top of his nose over the blanket), and then I heard him cry. And then I fell asleep.
July 5, 7:45 AM - Brandon brings the family in. With the exception of Mom, they have been trying to sleep all night in the waiting room and in their cars. Upon seeing them, I start to cry. One by one, first Whitney, then Mom, Dad, Mimi, and Melvin. They walk past Trey to come to me. I am crying, they are crying, and each one gives me a hug and tells me they love me. I count that as one of the best moments of my life. And then I fell asleep.
Has it really been a year? Brandon says it feels like it's been about 10 years. I'll agree that the last half of 2007 crawled by, mostly because I was awake for a good portion of it. But this year has flown for me. All of Trey's milestones are coming so fast that I can barely write one in his baby book before he has done something new.
Part of me is so sad, that my baby is not much of a baby anymore. I'll never get those moments back. And then part of me is very excited to watch Trey learn and grow, to see who he will become. Thus is the bittersweetness of parenting, and I know there is much more to come.
Lord God, my heart overflows with thankfulness. I know that my salvation was Your ultimate act of grace, but allowing me to be a mom comes in a very close second. You know the heart inside of me, and in spite of my stubborn pride, You have given me the most humbling, glorious gift I've ever known. I pray for strength and wisdom to honor You with this responsibility You have given me, and I pray that You will be glorified in my ultimate act of witnessing - raising my son to know and love You. It's the least I can do.
For the last couple of days, we've been telling Trey "last year at this time" stories. And I love it. I remember the long story of his birth all the time, and at least to us, it is an incredible, wonderful memory. Here are a few of the highlights:
July 3, 7:30 AM - Driving to my due date checkup, in my belly it feels like Trey is straightening out his arms and legs, pushing his back up hard against my belly. I will learn later that these are contractions.
July 3, 3:00 PM - After two two-hour rounds of fetal monitoring, the doctor sends me home with the news that I am in early labor. We are told to keep an eye on things.
July 3, 7:00 PM - After having gone to the creek with Brandon to get water and walking laps around our property, I am now in the garden attacking every weed I can find. Anything to keep moving.
July 4, 3:30 AM - The contractions hurt now, enough that I can't sleep through them. So I lay in bed praying over everything that is happening and will happen.
July 4, 1:00 PM - When the contractions had gotten bad earlier in the morning, I made the decision not to eat anything. I wasn't sure of the rules, but it seemed like a good idea. My body had other ideas, and by this time it demanded to be fed. I ate the biggest plate of spaghetti known to man.
July 4, 4:30 PM - The contractions have been steadily 4-5 minutes apart for a few hours now. We have called the doctor who said to take our time, but we should probably come in since we lived so far away. Brandon hops in the shower and I straighten up around the house. (After all, I am the eternal hostess, and I know that other people will be in my house before I am there again.) In a very funny scene, Melvin and Mimi stop by to check on us, and I tell them what the doctor said. Melvin pushes past me in the bedroom and goes into the bathroom, where he proceeds to pull Brandon out of the shower.
July 4, 6:30 PM - We are admitted to the hospital. I am having all back labor, and the best way for me to deal with this is to stand up. I have been standing up - minus the car ride - for over 7 hours.
July 5, 1:00 AM - Me: "Can you...find..a doctor...I need..." Brandon: "Epidural!" Brandon then sticks his head into the hall and asks for two epidurals, one for me, one for him. Despite my determination to go drug-free (women did it for centuries, why shouldn't I be able to), I decided to change my thinking (dear Lord, thank you for the technology to make childbirth easier).
July 5, 6:00 AM - They tell us it's time to push, and I have my moment of "I'm not ready to have a baby!!" Brandon claps and rubs his hands together the way he does before a big game. The way he did when I walked up the aisle at our wedding.
July 5, 7:24 AM - I have been pushing for an hour and a half, alternately puking and falling asleep between pushes. I remember very little about this time, though I do know that Trey got stuck in me, and Brandon tells me that several nurses had to put their weight on my belly to get Trey out. I remember the sound of him coming out, I opened my eyes to see the pediatricians whisking him away (I saw only the top of his nose over the blanket), and then I heard him cry. And then I fell asleep.
July 5, 7:45 AM - Brandon brings the family in. With the exception of Mom, they have been trying to sleep all night in the waiting room and in their cars. Upon seeing them, I start to cry. One by one, first Whitney, then Mom, Dad, Mimi, and Melvin. They walk past Trey to come to me. I am crying, they are crying, and each one gives me a hug and tells me they love me. I count that as one of the best moments of my life. And then I fell asleep.
Has it really been a year? Brandon says it feels like it's been about 10 years. I'll agree that the last half of 2007 crawled by, mostly because I was awake for a good portion of it. But this year has flown for me. All of Trey's milestones are coming so fast that I can barely write one in his baby book before he has done something new.
Part of me is so sad, that my baby is not much of a baby anymore. I'll never get those moments back. And then part of me is very excited to watch Trey learn and grow, to see who he will become. Thus is the bittersweetness of parenting, and I know there is much more to come.
Lord God, my heart overflows with thankfulness. I know that my salvation was Your ultimate act of grace, but allowing me to be a mom comes in a very close second. You know the heart inside of me, and in spite of my stubborn pride, You have given me the most humbling, glorious gift I've ever known. I pray for strength and wisdom to honor You with this responsibility You have given me, and I pray that You will be glorified in my ultimate act of witnessing - raising my son to know and love You. It's the least I can do.
Comments
Happy Birthday little Trey!