An experiment
So, middle age. It's as real a life stage as the terrible twos or the roaring twenties. Here wisdom has been multiplied for better and for worse. You've seen more than you ever wanted to, lived enough pain to know that everything is just not OK. But somehow through a hefty dose of humility, you're stronger, steadier. You wholeheartedly embrace tides of joy, knowing it ebbs and flows. Adversity no longer causes panic, but rather a deep breath and a digging in of the feet.
I'm there, no longer the spring chicken I once was. While life is not the perfect fairy tale I had always envisioned, I wouldn't for one second go back. Well, maybe for one second. But only if I could pick which second.
The wisdom part is a great thing. When I'm in my right mind, I can soak up the chaotic love inside our house.
But the aging part ain't so great. My body has turned on me, y'all.
I'll say up front that the weight I've put on is probably compounding things. Sore comes quicker and stays longer. Lines on the face are undeniable. Hands and feet are bumpy with blue veins. Sleeping straight through the night is impossible, dadgum bathroom trips, and yet sitting still anywhere for any length of time has me nodding off. This formerly very chipper early bird despises her alarm clock and gets very cranky if the Sunday nap is missed.
Good grief.
The worst offender is the early morning drive to work. Seriously y'all, it's been scary some days. Halfway through my fifty-minute commute I start seeing two roads. I tried everything. Turning the air on high, blasting the music, every window down, singing to the top of my lungs, smacking myself in the leg, waving my hand in front of my face, pinching my arm, pulling my neck hairs, biting my tongue, sitting straight up, opening my eyes as wide as I possibly could, and praying. Hard.
I'm sure it was a sight to behold, and by God's grace I made it to work every time. Made it groggily up the four flights of stairs to my office and fought more to keep my head up in my cube.
In the back of my mind I know that this entire problem could be easily wiped out by coffee, but I cannot stand coffee. I've tried it with more milk and sugar than anything, and still am repulsed by the bitterness.
Not only do I struggle with a coffee aversion, I also don't like tea or soft drinks of any kind. Never have. So aside from whatever might be in a Hershey bar, I'm basically a caffiene virgin.
However, my drowsy driving flirtation with death frightened me enough that something had to be done. Brandon and I are on a sort-of diet, basically just trying to do better all around, less carbs and sugar, and discovering that some healthy food is actually good. Veggie straws, y'all. They are fantastic. But breakfast has been just depressing. I'm a cereal addict after all, and you can only eat eggs so much. And poor Brandon with his chocolate milk withdrawal.
Enter Slim-Fast. The straight-up original chocolate kind has restored some of Brandon's joy. In picking them up at the store one day, I noticed another grouping of these shakes, labeled with "Advanced Energy! As much caffiene as a cup of coffee!"
Well really, friend! You might just be exactly what I never knew I always needed.
After some research (yes, I am a nerd as much as a caffiene version) I learned it would take about 45 minutes to feel the full effect of a cup of coffee. Which meant I'd need to down this thing very early in the morning, in the middle of my getting-ready routine and well before I got into the car. Also well before I'd be the least bit hungry. But it's chocolate, right? And chocolate is good any time of day.
It tastes like black-eyed peas. I love black-eyed peas. But when you're barely awake and expecting chocolate and you get black-eyed peas, it's not great. I made a face in the mirror and chugged the thing, then brushed my teeth extra.
Y'all, I wide-eyed sang loud all the way to work, but for an entirely different reason. Drumming on the steering wheel, thinking as fast as the car was moving, I was alive.
I've gotten used to the taste, because going in I can tell myself it's just an early-morning bowl of black-eyed peas. And I now understand the worldwide obsession with coffee, though I have no desire to get my get-up-and-go from there. But what a refreshing feeling to have energy again. To be safer driving and ready to tackle each day.
Take that, middle age.
I'm there, no longer the spring chicken I once was. While life is not the perfect fairy tale I had always envisioned, I wouldn't for one second go back. Well, maybe for one second. But only if I could pick which second.
The wisdom part is a great thing. When I'm in my right mind, I can soak up the chaotic love inside our house.
But the aging part ain't so great. My body has turned on me, y'all.
I'll say up front that the weight I've put on is probably compounding things. Sore comes quicker and stays longer. Lines on the face are undeniable. Hands and feet are bumpy with blue veins. Sleeping straight through the night is impossible, dadgum bathroom trips, and yet sitting still anywhere for any length of time has me nodding off. This formerly very chipper early bird despises her alarm clock and gets very cranky if the Sunday nap is missed.
Good grief.
The worst offender is the early morning drive to work. Seriously y'all, it's been scary some days. Halfway through my fifty-minute commute I start seeing two roads. I tried everything. Turning the air on high, blasting the music, every window down, singing to the top of my lungs, smacking myself in the leg, waving my hand in front of my face, pinching my arm, pulling my neck hairs, biting my tongue, sitting straight up, opening my eyes as wide as I possibly could, and praying. Hard.
I'm sure it was a sight to behold, and by God's grace I made it to work every time. Made it groggily up the four flights of stairs to my office and fought more to keep my head up in my cube.
In the back of my mind I know that this entire problem could be easily wiped out by coffee, but I cannot stand coffee. I've tried it with more milk and sugar than anything, and still am repulsed by the bitterness.
Not only do I struggle with a coffee aversion, I also don't like tea or soft drinks of any kind. Never have. So aside from whatever might be in a Hershey bar, I'm basically a caffiene virgin.
However, my drowsy driving flirtation with death frightened me enough that something had to be done. Brandon and I are on a sort-of diet, basically just trying to do better all around, less carbs and sugar, and discovering that some healthy food is actually good. Veggie straws, y'all. They are fantastic. But breakfast has been just depressing. I'm a cereal addict after all, and you can only eat eggs so much. And poor Brandon with his chocolate milk withdrawal.
Enter Slim-Fast. The straight-up original chocolate kind has restored some of Brandon's joy. In picking them up at the store one day, I noticed another grouping of these shakes, labeled with "Advanced Energy! As much caffiene as a cup of coffee!"
Well really, friend! You might just be exactly what I never knew I always needed.
After some research (yes, I am a nerd as much as a caffiene version) I learned it would take about 45 minutes to feel the full effect of a cup of coffee. Which meant I'd need to down this thing very early in the morning, in the middle of my getting-ready routine and well before I got into the car. Also well before I'd be the least bit hungry. But it's chocolate, right? And chocolate is good any time of day.
It tastes like black-eyed peas. I love black-eyed peas. But when you're barely awake and expecting chocolate and you get black-eyed peas, it's not great. I made a face in the mirror and chugged the thing, then brushed my teeth extra.
Y'all, I wide-eyed sang loud all the way to work, but for an entirely different reason. Drumming on the steering wheel, thinking as fast as the car was moving, I was alive.
I've gotten used to the taste, because going in I can tell myself it's just an early-morning bowl of black-eyed peas. And I now understand the worldwide obsession with coffee, though I have no desire to get my get-up-and-go from there. But what a refreshing feeling to have energy again. To be safer driving and ready to tackle each day.
Take that, middle age.
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