Forgetting to remember
My whole one-word campaign has been going on now for several years. Its effectiveness is debatable. Sometimes it keeps me quite focused and helps me to strive toward something better. And sometimes, well, it doesn't.
This has nothing to do with the word in itself. But everything to do with me.
This year's word was remember, born of my gratitude over being set free from the various emotional prisons I had stumbled into through much of 2017.
I didn't keep up my end of the deal this year, struggling throughout with my weight and my relationship with Trey, both sort of vicious cycles that, from time to time, completely took over my mind.
In all this, I have gone through every motion a good Christian girl should, all the while not where God wants me to be. Of course I know He is always there. But maybe I've forgotten how to take His hand, or even that I am supposed to.
And while we're on the subject of forgetting, it was long about August, sitting in Sunday school one morning, it occurred to me that surely I picked a word for 2018, but what was it? Twenty minutes of racking my brain and trying out various self-improvement terms, and it was still lost to me. Had to look at the blog to remember.
Remember. My one word.
Forgotten.
How ironic that the antonym fits the year more than its original word did.
Of course there were some fabulous things that happened this year, some wonderful precious memories made. But from a personal standpoint, a growth standpoint, I consider it more a loss than a gain.
But the Lord is faithful as ever, still softly and tenderly calling. If I am to remember how to take His hand, to embrace the abundant life He offers, to let Him take over when I am floundering, it will have to be moment by moment. Hour by hour. Day by day.
Steady.
And that is my word for this year, one that hopefully I won't have forgotten by summer. There is so much in my life right now that needs me to be steady, which means I'm going to need more than ever to stand firm on that solid Rock.
"The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24
It is not lost on me, the close relationship between steady and faithful. Linguistically, one could define the other. Spiritually, not only should my steadiness flow from God's faithfulness, but He has also called me to be faithful, as He is faithful.
There were plenty of times in my life that I might have had the gall to consider myself faithful to God. I disgust myself. Because faithfulness has no meaning at all if it doesn't last, and boy did it ever not.
Oh that I might not waste another year forgetting that my Jesus is everything and I am nothing without Him. As much a long shot as it seems, I want so much to change. To be steady. For my Lord, my children, my family, those I love so very, very much.
Thank You, Lord, for another moment, another hour, another day. Be the strength I don't have, and somehow be glorified in me.
In the darkest hour, when I cannot breathe
Fear is on my chest, the weight of the world on me
Everything is crashing down, everything I had known
When I wonder if I'm all alone
I will lift my eyes even in the pain
Above all the lies, I know You can make a way
I have seen giants fall, I have seen mountains move
I have seen waters part because of You
I remember, I remember
You have always been faithful to me
I remember, I remember
Even when my own eyes could not see
You were there, always there
With me
This has nothing to do with the word in itself. But everything to do with me.
This year's word was remember, born of my gratitude over being set free from the various emotional prisons I had stumbled into through much of 2017.
I didn't keep up my end of the deal this year, struggling throughout with my weight and my relationship with Trey, both sort of vicious cycles that, from time to time, completely took over my mind.
In all this, I have gone through every motion a good Christian girl should, all the while not where God wants me to be. Of course I know He is always there. But maybe I've forgotten how to take His hand, or even that I am supposed to.
And while we're on the subject of forgetting, it was long about August, sitting in Sunday school one morning, it occurred to me that surely I picked a word for 2018, but what was it? Twenty minutes of racking my brain and trying out various self-improvement terms, and it was still lost to me. Had to look at the blog to remember.
Remember. My one word.
Forgotten.
How ironic that the antonym fits the year more than its original word did.
Of course there were some fabulous things that happened this year, some wonderful precious memories made. But from a personal standpoint, a growth standpoint, I consider it more a loss than a gain.
But the Lord is faithful as ever, still softly and tenderly calling. If I am to remember how to take His hand, to embrace the abundant life He offers, to let Him take over when I am floundering, it will have to be moment by moment. Hour by hour. Day by day.
Steady.
And that is my word for this year, one that hopefully I won't have forgotten by summer. There is so much in my life right now that needs me to be steady, which means I'm going to need more than ever to stand firm on that solid Rock.
"The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24
It is not lost on me, the close relationship between steady and faithful. Linguistically, one could define the other. Spiritually, not only should my steadiness flow from God's faithfulness, but He has also called me to be faithful, as He is faithful.
There were plenty of times in my life that I might have had the gall to consider myself faithful to God. I disgust myself. Because faithfulness has no meaning at all if it doesn't last, and boy did it ever not.
Oh that I might not waste another year forgetting that my Jesus is everything and I am nothing without Him. As much a long shot as it seems, I want so much to change. To be steady. For my Lord, my children, my family, those I love so very, very much.
Thank You, Lord, for another moment, another hour, another day. Be the strength I don't have, and somehow be glorified in me.
Fear is on my chest, the weight of the world on me
Everything is crashing down, everything I had known
When I wonder if I'm all alone
I will lift my eyes even in the pain
Above all the lies, I know You can make a way
I have seen giants fall, I have seen mountains move
I have seen waters part because of You
I remember, I remember
You have always been faithful to me
I remember, I remember
Even when my own eyes could not see
You were there, always there
With me
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