For year's end
Surely I write only to myself now, with nary a shred of posting regularity over the last several months. And so be it. This is scrapbooking for dummies, after all.
There are many excuses. Oh, I could blame the heck out of some stuff.
Like the exorbitant amount of housework and organization accomplished, mere moments before no less than thirty long lost family members descended upon us the weekend before Christmas.
Or like the truancy of my firstborn, who took it upon himself to skip school for two days in order to avoid on-stage rehearsal of the Kindergarten Christmas program. Oh, Trey. Don't even get me started. At this point I daily scour the mirror, certain to find my first gray hair.
Or the endless antics of Taz, who, in the span of just a few hours, rode his new bicycle down the steps outside the basement, then later helped himself to a solid bite of soap in the bathtub. That's my Aden, the armload of boy who now climbs out of his crib with ease. Life as I know it is over.
What. A. Year.
It feels like it has flown by. That until I think back to January, when I had a preschooler and an eighteen-month-old. An eternity ago, no? But a good eternity.
As I'm about to swap out calendars, I face the daunting task of revisiting my one word and list of hopes for 2012. Self-evaluation, er, not my favorite. Not a fan of failure.
Here goes anyway. The list:
I want to be a better mom.
See one-word summary below
I want to obey the Lord even when no one is watching.
Not so great. Can't say I'm much closer to God than I was last year, as shameful as that is to write.
I want to spend more time in the Bible.
Nope. A consequence (or cause) of the above answer.
I want to continue living in the good enough, even if we don't have to.
Fail. Period.
I want to learn to use my new food processor.
Done. Veggie lasagna was a snap. Need more recipes.
I want to do more things with vinegar.
Yessir. It has become an essential around here.
I want to survive August 20. That would be Trey's first day of school.
Survived. By all parties. Thank you, Lord.
I want more patience.
Uh...
I want to finally go a year without having to buy clothes in a larger size.
Hating myself right now.
I want to pray big.
This is a daily, ongoing thing. Will never be checked off any list.
So those were the hopes. My one word was grow up, this based on 1 Peter 2:2-3 and borne of a general disgust with myself. Sick of being self-centered, sick of impatience, just sick.
Though I cannot say that I am fully grown up, I did grow up in 2012.
It happened on Friday, December 14.
And after two straight hours in front of the TV, crying harder than I have in years, breathlessly searching for words to pray to God, and fighting with all my might the urge to drive to Trey's school, snatch him into my arms and never let him out of my sight again, something happened.
I grew up. Parenting was easier, for there was nothing even remotely burdensome about my two blessings anymore. Tragedy had catapulted me to the place I always should have been, that of a loving, patient, protective, big-picture mother who wanted nothing more than to cherish every moment with her children.
So while there are random moments it could be argued otherwise, the item on my list about becoming a better mom is actually happening. I wish with all of my being that it could have come about under different circumstances. We who are on the outside share great sorrow with the many hurting families in Connecticut, and at the same time we pray that we may never have to know their grief.
And so the growing up of 2012 has produced a one word for 2013. My word is steward, and is based on Ephesians 5:15-16:
Be very careful, then, how you live —
not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity,
because the days are evil.
God is calling me to do my best with what He has given me. And He has given me much. None of it is really mine, just things and gifts and people He has entrusted to me. How better to grow closer to the Lord than to honor Him with my very best in where He has planted me.
So they are lofty, my hopes for the next year. My handwritten page-long list of very specific goals could very well scare me to death. I know I can accomplish nothing on my own. But I was not meant to. Jesus Himself said, "apart from me you can do nothing."
Lord, thank you for such a great 2012. Please work in me through 2013 to be a good steward, for You alone.
Happy New Year!
There are many excuses. Oh, I could blame the heck out of some stuff.
Like the exorbitant amount of housework and organization accomplished, mere moments before no less than thirty long lost family members descended upon us the weekend before Christmas.
Or like the truancy of my firstborn, who took it upon himself to skip school for two days in order to avoid on-stage rehearsal of the Kindergarten Christmas program. Oh, Trey. Don't even get me started. At this point I daily scour the mirror, certain to find my first gray hair.
Or the endless antics of Taz, who, in the span of just a few hours, rode his new bicycle down the steps outside the basement, then later helped himself to a solid bite of soap in the bathtub. That's my Aden, the armload of boy who now climbs out of his crib with ease. Life as I know it is over.
What. A. Year.
It feels like it has flown by. That until I think back to January, when I had a preschooler and an eighteen-month-old. An eternity ago, no? But a good eternity.
As I'm about to swap out calendars, I face the daunting task of revisiting my one word and list of hopes for 2012. Self-evaluation, er, not my favorite. Not a fan of failure.
Here goes anyway. The list:
I want to be a better mom.
See one-word summary below
I want to obey the Lord even when no one is watching.
Not so great. Can't say I'm much closer to God than I was last year, as shameful as that is to write.
I want to spend more time in the Bible.
Nope. A consequence (or cause) of the above answer.
I want to continue living in the good enough, even if we don't have to.
Fail. Period.
I want to learn to use my new food processor.
Done. Veggie lasagna was a snap. Need more recipes.
I want to do more things with vinegar.
Yessir. It has become an essential around here.
I want to survive August 20. That would be Trey's first day of school.
Survived. By all parties. Thank you, Lord.
I want more patience.
Uh...
I want to finally go a year without having to buy clothes in a larger size.
Hating myself right now.
I want to pray big.
This is a daily, ongoing thing. Will never be checked off any list.
So those were the hopes. My one word was grow up, this based on 1 Peter 2:2-3 and borne of a general disgust with myself. Sick of being self-centered, sick of impatience, just sick.
Though I cannot say that I am fully grown up, I did grow up in 2012.
It happened on Friday, December 14.
And after two straight hours in front of the TV, crying harder than I have in years, breathlessly searching for words to pray to God, and fighting with all my might the urge to drive to Trey's school, snatch him into my arms and never let him out of my sight again, something happened.
I grew up. Parenting was easier, for there was nothing even remotely burdensome about my two blessings anymore. Tragedy had catapulted me to the place I always should have been, that of a loving, patient, protective, big-picture mother who wanted nothing more than to cherish every moment with her children.
So while there are random moments it could be argued otherwise, the item on my list about becoming a better mom is actually happening. I wish with all of my being that it could have come about under different circumstances. We who are on the outside share great sorrow with the many hurting families in Connecticut, and at the same time we pray that we may never have to know their grief.
And so the growing up of 2012 has produced a one word for 2013. My word is steward, and is based on Ephesians 5:15-16:
not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity,
because the days are evil.
So they are lofty, my hopes for the next year. My handwritten page-long list of very specific goals could very well scare me to death. I know I can accomplish nothing on my own. But I was not meant to. Jesus Himself said, "apart from me you can do nothing."
Lord, thank you for such a great 2012. Please work in me through 2013 to be a good steward, for You alone.
Happy New Year!
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