Dear Trey
It's a big night. Tomorrow is your first day of school. I can't believe you fell asleep so easily. Our worrier, our planner, our kicking-and-screaming-into-change boy. God has answered one of my many prayers, and quieted your mind so that you could rest.
I'm sitting in your room, watching you sleep. And remembering a time almost five years ago when I sat in this very spot. It was your first night in your crib. I was scared to death that you'd stop breathing. That you would get too cold or too hot. That you would lose your paci or come unswaddled and wake up with that trademark squeak-cry. There I sat, in my postpartum depression, I'll-never-sleep-again stupor, wondering how in the world one night could last so long. Surely Kindergarten never crossed my mind. Age five was a thousand years away.
Yet here we are, on the verge of you becoming a certified, documented grown-up boy. Off on your own. Sort of.
Tonight I am not scared. Nervous, yes. Proud, yes. Anxious, excited, pretty sad. You see, I've lost control. Not that I ever had it, but a mother feels like she should be in control. Have it all together. I so totally don't. If I were in control, I'd slow you the heck down so that tomorrow would still be far away.
But I'm not in control. And the more I think about it, the more thankful I am. That the God who created you so uniquely, who crafted you from dust to both mold you to His purposes and to test and grow your Daddy and me, very much is in control. For it is He who gives you breath. Guides your steps. Has all your days written in His book. Gave His Son for you. Wants you to enjoy the life abundant.
He is the One who will walk with you tomorrow, down the halls that seem so big. He will stand with you when you feel all alone. He will speak words of comfort to your heart when you are scared or overwhelmed, when your worrying nature threatens to take you over. He will protect you from every what-if in my wandering imagination.
And He will captivate you with all there is to learn in this wide, beautiful, complex world that He Himself created with just a word. Buddy, you are going to love school. I mean, love it.
These are my prayers for you, sweet boy. My heart is just broken in two, knowing that the precious days of your early childhood are now behind us. As many days as I'd like to relive - either to experience again or to fix the thousands of mistakes I've made as your mom - I can't get those back.
But at the same time, I am so excited for you to learn and grow and have experiences we can't give you here at home. To become your own person, discover and build your strengths, and to indeed be molded into the young man that God had in mind.
Oh, how I will be praying for you. All day long. Aden and I will be home, watching the clock, praying out loud, talking about what you might be doing, anxiously awaiting the time we can come and get you. And utterly anticipating the flood of words that will surely drown us with your homecoming. Chatterbox.
Trey, I can only hope that I have taught you well. So many times I haven't gone about it the right way. And I am so sorry for the times I have turned my blessings into a burden. Mama is a perfectionist, Buddy, which only means she screws up more than other people do. But here are a few things for you to remember, that will help you in school, and maybe even in life.
Smile at other people. It shows them you are friendly and will even make you feel better when you're unsure. Besides, you have a gorgeous smile.
Do not be ashamed of what you know, of how smart you are. But don't brag about it either. We're all in this together.
Don't dismiss someone who could become your friend. We never know why the Lord puts certain people in our paths. That person might just need you to show them God's love.
If someone is mean to you, try not to take it to heart. You are who God says you are, not who anyone else says you are.
Treat others the way you want to be treated. (I kinda borrowed that one.)
When you have opportunity to help, to do good, to make the right choice, do it. You'll never regret it.
Pay attention to your teacher. Be quiet when it's time to be quiet, but answer when you are spoken to.
Realize that everything might not come easy. Every paper might not have a smiley face at the top. Work hard and be the very best Trey you can be. You only fail if you stop trying.
I so want you to have a good time, but you can't play with other kids as rough as you do with Aden and Daddy. Some of them won't be able to take it. Just trust me, and save the good stuff for your fellas at home. They'll be waiting for you.
Don't be afraid to speak up if you need something. But raise your hand first.
Don't forget my phone number, just in case you need me.
Don't squeeze your juice box. And for Heaven's sake, don't wipe your mouth or hands on your shirt. Aden will have to wear your clothes one day!
Please ignore me when I drop you off tomorrow morning, if I'm crying. Well, not if, because I will be crying. Just pretend you don't see it. Really, I'll be OK.
And pay me no mind when I cry picking you up, too. It's not because I'm sad to see you again. Just relief. Same thing happened after twenty-seven and a half hours of excruciating labor, when they laid you with your scrunched-up nose and crooked conehead on my chest.
Seriously, just ignore the tears.
And never, ever, ever, no never forget how much I love you. Beyond measure. You hung the moon, Buddy. Mine and a handful of other people's too, none of whom will be able to get you out of their minds tomorrow. Before you know it you'll be shouting through the phone at each one of them, telling them how great school was and how you can't wait to go back the next day.
I believe in you, sweet baby boy. I am your biggest fan, your forever cheering section. I know you can do it, get through your first day and far beyond. I'm on your side every step of the way.
Sleep well, little man. Tomorrow is a big day. Spread your wings and fly.
Love,
Mama
I'm sitting in your room, watching you sleep. And remembering a time almost five years ago when I sat in this very spot. It was your first night in your crib. I was scared to death that you'd stop breathing. That you would get too cold or too hot. That you would lose your paci or come unswaddled and wake up with that trademark squeak-cry. There I sat, in my postpartum depression, I'll-never-sleep-again stupor, wondering how in the world one night could last so long. Surely Kindergarten never crossed my mind. Age five was a thousand years away.
Yet here we are, on the verge of you becoming a certified, documented grown-up boy. Off on your own. Sort of.
Tonight I am not scared. Nervous, yes. Proud, yes. Anxious, excited, pretty sad. You see, I've lost control. Not that I ever had it, but a mother feels like she should be in control. Have it all together. I so totally don't. If I were in control, I'd slow you the heck down so that tomorrow would still be far away.
But I'm not in control. And the more I think about it, the more thankful I am. That the God who created you so uniquely, who crafted you from dust to both mold you to His purposes and to test and grow your Daddy and me, very much is in control. For it is He who gives you breath. Guides your steps. Has all your days written in His book. Gave His Son for you. Wants you to enjoy the life abundant.
He is the One who will walk with you tomorrow, down the halls that seem so big. He will stand with you when you feel all alone. He will speak words of comfort to your heart when you are scared or overwhelmed, when your worrying nature threatens to take you over. He will protect you from every what-if in my wandering imagination.
And He will captivate you with all there is to learn in this wide, beautiful, complex world that He Himself created with just a word. Buddy, you are going to love school. I mean, love it.
These are my prayers for you, sweet boy. My heart is just broken in two, knowing that the precious days of your early childhood are now behind us. As many days as I'd like to relive - either to experience again or to fix the thousands of mistakes I've made as your mom - I can't get those back.
But at the same time, I am so excited for you to learn and grow and have experiences we can't give you here at home. To become your own person, discover and build your strengths, and to indeed be molded into the young man that God had in mind.
Oh, how I will be praying for you. All day long. Aden and I will be home, watching the clock, praying out loud, talking about what you might be doing, anxiously awaiting the time we can come and get you. And utterly anticipating the flood of words that will surely drown us with your homecoming. Chatterbox.
Trey, I can only hope that I have taught you well. So many times I haven't gone about it the right way. And I am so sorry for the times I have turned my blessings into a burden. Mama is a perfectionist, Buddy, which only means she screws up more than other people do. But here are a few things for you to remember, that will help you in school, and maybe even in life.
Smile at other people. It shows them you are friendly and will even make you feel better when you're unsure. Besides, you have a gorgeous smile.
Do not be ashamed of what you know, of how smart you are. But don't brag about it either. We're all in this together.
Don't dismiss someone who could become your friend. We never know why the Lord puts certain people in our paths. That person might just need you to show them God's love.
If someone is mean to you, try not to take it to heart. You are who God says you are, not who anyone else says you are.
Treat others the way you want to be treated. (I kinda borrowed that one.)
When you have opportunity to help, to do good, to make the right choice, do it. You'll never regret it.
Pay attention to your teacher. Be quiet when it's time to be quiet, but answer when you are spoken to.
Realize that everything might not come easy. Every paper might not have a smiley face at the top. Work hard and be the very best Trey you can be. You only fail if you stop trying.
I so want you to have a good time, but you can't play with other kids as rough as you do with Aden and Daddy. Some of them won't be able to take it. Just trust me, and save the good stuff for your fellas at home. They'll be waiting for you.
Don't be afraid to speak up if you need something. But raise your hand first.
Don't forget my phone number, just in case you need me.
Don't squeeze your juice box. And for Heaven's sake, don't wipe your mouth or hands on your shirt. Aden will have to wear your clothes one day!
Please ignore me when I drop you off tomorrow morning, if I'm crying. Well, not if, because I will be crying. Just pretend you don't see it. Really, I'll be OK.
And pay me no mind when I cry picking you up, too. It's not because I'm sad to see you again. Just relief. Same thing happened after twenty-seven and a half hours of excruciating labor, when they laid you with your scrunched-up nose and crooked conehead on my chest.
Seriously, just ignore the tears.
And never, ever, ever, no never forget how much I love you. Beyond measure. You hung the moon, Buddy. Mine and a handful of other people's too, none of whom will be able to get you out of their minds tomorrow. Before you know it you'll be shouting through the phone at each one of them, telling them how great school was and how you can't wait to go back the next day.
I believe in you, sweet baby boy. I am your biggest fan, your forever cheering section. I know you can do it, get through your first day and far beyond. I'm on your side every step of the way.
Sleep well, little man. Tomorrow is a big day. Spread your wings and fly.
Love,
Mama
Comments
Love, Cindy :)