Rebellion of the firstborn
There are times when Trey is very affectionate with Aden, kissing his head, rubbing his tummy, holding his hand.
Then there are the other times when he tries to pull Aden's legs off, throws books at his head, and head-butts him in the stomach. It is during these times, which are coming more and more frequently, that I have heard the following:
"Can you put Aden away?"
"I don't want to live here!"
"Aden does NOT need to eat. Put him in his bed!"
"I don't want to spend time with you."
"I need to get away from you Mama."
"NO! Mama does NOT love mine (me)!"
Trying not to take any of this too personally. After all, Trey is still two and has always tended to have a dramatic flair.
But it is personal. My relationship with Trey is the only one suffering, because of my physical and time limitations. I just can't be to him what I was before, and probably never will be, at least to that extent.
I'm afraid he thinks he's been replaced. This breaks my heart. As soon as I could drive this past week, I took him on a date to Kroger, just him and me. This is something we used to love to do together. I had to drag him out the door to get in the car (see the comment about spending time above), and then in Kroger he ran away from me twice.
What can you do? Pray and wait it out I guess. This too shall pass. Until then, thank you Lord for the postpartum depression medicine, that won't let me feel but so sad. This situation would have killed unmedicated Ashley.
Then there are the other times when he tries to pull Aden's legs off, throws books at his head, and head-butts him in the stomach. It is during these times, which are coming more and more frequently, that I have heard the following:
"Can you put Aden away?"
"I don't want to live here!"
"Aden does NOT need to eat. Put him in his bed!"
"I don't want to spend time with you."
"I need to get away from you Mama."
"NO! Mama does NOT love mine (me)!"
Trying not to take any of this too personally. After all, Trey is still two and has always tended to have a dramatic flair.
But it is personal. My relationship with Trey is the only one suffering, because of my physical and time limitations. I just can't be to him what I was before, and probably never will be, at least to that extent.
I'm afraid he thinks he's been replaced. This breaks my heart. As soon as I could drive this past week, I took him on a date to Kroger, just him and me. This is something we used to love to do together. I had to drag him out the door to get in the car (see the comment about spending time above), and then in Kroger he ran away from me twice.
What can you do? Pray and wait it out I guess. This too shall pass. Until then, thank you Lord for the postpartum depression medicine, that won't let me feel but so sad. This situation would have killed unmedicated Ashley.
Comments
To get the older one involved with the younger. So, for example, give Trey things to be in charge of to 'help' his younger brother. Helping change the diaper, give you wipes, throwing dirty ones away...big tasks or small, just anything to help him have a unique job just for him. The job doesn't really matter, its the responsibility (w/Aden)and the praise. Be sure to make over it and how great he is doing!
Do just as you did - having time just with Trey, and often. Just before naptime, special outings, etc...just being sure to let him know you are making time for him.
Helping him know his new role and what Aden needs in him as a big brother. Talking to Trey often about all the things HE gets to teach Aden, and how much Aden is going to love him. Talking to him about the cool things about his new role.
I hope those three things help...You are doing a great job and I am so glad that those situations didn't totally destroy you. You are right - he is speaking out of his young emotions; you know he is totally smitten with his momma.
I recently read about a candle model to use to explain how love works in families. I want to try it with Ellie (even over a year later). You take four candles of different lengths. Light the one that is you. Use the "you" candle to light the "Brandon" candle and explain that when you got married you gave all your love to Brandon, but that you still have all your love. Then use the "you" candle to light the "Trey" candle and explain that when he was born you gave all your love to him, but that you still have all your love and Brandon still has all your love. Then use the "you" candle to light the "Aden" candle and explain that when Aden was born you gave all your love to Aden but you, Brandon and Trey still have all your love. Then you can let Trey spread the love by lighting candles in different orders, etc. Cool, huh?
Other than that, I think it's just a hard time that is part of the transition to four. Soon enough Trey won't even remember a time before Aden was around. Ellie once saw a picture of her at 18 months and asked, "Where's Abram?"